Labor Pains

I was reading my devotion this morning and it was great.  I read on an app, so some days, I like to read ahead if it is a particularly good exposition.  This particular morning I am reading a 30 day devotional by a controversial pastor who happens to be a friend of our family.  He speaks often about living out your faith,  not just in deed but in word.  Some call it "name it and claim it," but I prefer to see it as he does; an act of faith confessing to God that you believe His Word to be true. I would call it a measure of faith. 

If you know me,  you know that I am not ashamed of my testimony.  My testimony is not my past. I was never involved with drugs,  sex,  alcohol, or any other "big" sin from which I needed to be delivered. My testimony is my day to day life: my struggle with infertility and my faith, daily learning to be a godly wife,  learning to give Biblical advice instead of my personal opinion,  and balancing love and truth. 

I was thinking deeply about my devotion as I was reading, contemplating the value of its exchange in my personal life, in my own testimony.  I was reading one of the scriptures given from Genesis 4 where Eve makes a bold statement about God giving her another "seed" in Seth, when the Lord spoke to me.  He whispered,  "Every birth starts with labor pains." What He was telling me is that in life, we will have seasons that are painful. In those seasons, the pain doesn't make sense;  we are left desperately trying to find something to cling to because it hurts so much. 

I know these times intimately, especially struggling with infertility.  But it is through that process of pain, those moments of holding on for dear life and screaming at the top of our lungs because we think that no one has ever felt this pain as deeply as we are feeling it, that we are  just on the other side of  "giving birth" to new life. 

God tells us in Romans 8:28 that ALL things work together for our good.... Even those painful moments are working for our good. I have never had the pleasure of going through physical labor pains to bring forth a child. When pregnancy come easily, the labor pains are the last thing about which a woman wants to worry . But I think about it often; the pain of giving birth to something that is literally a new life. I long for that in the physically because I know it's bringing forth a miracle. 

Oh, that I would embrace it in the spiritual too. 

The parallel is uncanny.  Because of sin, we give birth in pain (Genesis 2), but just on the  other side of that pain is the relief, the breakthrough,  the miracle that we have labored for so long.  Admittedly, the blessing doesn't always look like what we thought it would, but it's always beautiful.  And no amount of peering into into a spiritual sonogram could show us the value in our suffering,  just as in the case of a physical sonogram.  Until we have exhausted every measure,  until we have carried and labored for our due season, it might seem overwhelming and not worth it. But in the end, we will receive our blessing, our bundle of joy. We just have to endure those labor pains temporarily.  

Galatians 6:9
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Blameless Faith

There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah. His wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. 
-Luke 1:5-6 NKJV

I've been doing this Bible study on struggling with infertility. I've read some encouraging messages that brought hope to a hopeless place. Infertility is a dark spot. Unless you've struggled with it personally, I don't think you can understand the burden it weighs on your soul. Some days it's a black hole, sucking the light from every corner of your universe. Some days are better than others. Every day there is a nagging voice whispering all the reasons you're unworthy to have a child.  This is the part of infertility I have struggled with the most. I believe in formulas. I believe that "X plus y" equals "z". I thought if I did all the right things, prayed all the right prayers, believed all the right scriptures,  my plan was God's plan.

Maybe Elizabeth did too. She and Zacharias walked blamelessly, and they were still childless. I wonder how many prayers she prayed for a child. I wonder how many nights she cried herself to sleep because her neighbor was having her 7th child. Maybe she had more faith than me and never struggled, always trusting the Lord. I doubt it. 

Being barren in those days was almost ostracizing. Being barren was a curse; what sin must you have committed to cause the Lord to reject you in such a terrible way? BUT THEY WERE BLAMELESS! Lord, why would you do this to someone who served You blamelessly? 

It doesn't end there though. This Godly couple did conceive a child. His name was John. He was the predecessor to our Savior. God used John to make way for the coming of the Lord. So what did Elizabeth and Zacharias do to finally deserve a child? They waited.  They prayed. They remained faithful and blameless.  They didn't follow a new set of rules, a specific set of guidelines, carefully considering and counting each step. There is no such set of rules. God's ways are not "one size fits all". The road He paved for me is not the same He paved for my best friend or my sister.  My journey is unique and challenging and meant to draw me closer to Him. 

He knows exactly what I need to go through to cause me to break my own desires and depend solely on the One who can heal my hurt and scars. Being blameless will not guarentee a child. God is not a "one size fits all" god. But trusting Him no matter the situation will guarantee spiritual maturity, a process that only increases our faith. He is the Creator of the universe and He loves me where I am, in those areas where I'm blameless, and has grace for those areas I'm still trusting to overcome.