Worth

For years, I struggled with feeling worthless. In the months leading up to meeting my husband, I struggled with bulimia for the second time in my life. I have always tied how I looked to how I feel. I care about what other people think about me. I think most do to some point; that’s why we leave the house with decent clothes on, our hair maintained, and teeth brushed. There is an acceptance tied to our apperance.

I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with having a healthy respect for what other’s think about you. Many times, I have rethought my wardrobe before leaving the house thinking, “Is this appropriate? If someone from church saw me in this outfit, would I be embarrassed?” You get my point. It’s when that nagging voice becomes an overwhelming obsession that it becomes its own monster, and begins an unhealthy reign opposite of how God feels about us. Once, when we were living in Saint Louis, my husband and I were playfully arguing over who was smarter. What started out as teasing, escalated into a very angry discussion.

I was livid. My husband continued to tease me, not understanding the offence I was truly taking, until I burst into tears in an angry rant. He asked me why I so upset. At that moment, I couldn’t understand why I had let something as innocent as a joke get me worked up. When I opened my mouth and the words came flowing out, I could not believe what I was saying. Without thinking I uttered, “Because if I’m not the smart one, I don’t have anything left.” We both sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I sobbed openly as emotion came flowing out. I explained that when I was younger, my Uncle, who was drunk, told my sister that she had always been the pretty one. In fairness, I have never had much respect for this relative, but his words cut to my core. When he realized the injustice of his words, he tried to make it better by telling me, “Well, Trina, you have always been the smart one.”  And for a really long time, I carried that with me. I let being smart define me, since I would never be pretty. I suffered needless pain and heartbreak because I chose to believe what someone I did not even respect spoke over me.

I have to say, being married has not made my struggle with self-image any easier. My husband and I have been through more in our short marriage than most people see in a lifetime of marriage; but I love him. And if God is faithful to forgive, I should be as well. These struggles have been blessings in disguise. Had I continued to depend on my husband for my worth, I would still feel broken and desolate. Thank God for a revelation!! Once, in the midst of a particular marital struggle, I began begging God for an answer, “WHY! Why God am I having to go through this?” His answer was simple, “Because if I had given you everything you wanted, you would never learn to depend on Me and My Word for your confidence.” What He was telling me was that I had been so consumed with letting other people define me and my worth, I had failed to remember from where my worth truly came.

Though the world tells me that I am not good enough, God tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. When I am feeling depressed about my image, God is the lifter of my head. God chose for me this temple (my body) He did for a reason. And though I am working on years of damage to it, He is helping me rebuild my temple one day, one promise at a time.

I encourage you, if you are dealing with self-esteem issues, run to your Loving Fathers word for a reminder of who you TRULY are. The Word says that our adversary, the devil, roams about like a lion, plotting who he can destroy. The world will try to tear you down, but Christ comes so we can have an abundant life. When we learn to put our trust in Him, we learn that He will never let us down. I want to be so saturated in His Word, the lies of the world can not sink in. Our worth is not tied to how we feel or think, but directly to the promises and testimony God lays out for us in His Word.

Prayer:

Gracious Maker,

So often, we look to others for our worth. Remind us everyday of the loving destiny that You have created for us. Remind us, Oh God, that You have a purpose and a plan for us, no matter how we feel. Thank You God that Your mercies are made new every morning and that we have an new opportunity to walk in Your love and peace everyday.

In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Scripture References:

Proverbs 30:5 (KJV)
            Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

Psalm 3:3 (KJV)
            But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

Psalm 121:1 (KJV)
            I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

Psalm 50:2 (NCV)
            God shines from Jerusalem, whose beauty is perfect.

Ezekiel 28:17 (AMP)
            Your heart was proud and lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I lay you before kings, that they might gaze at you.

Proverbs 31:30 (AMP)
            Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!

Psalm 149:5 (AMP)
            Let the saints be joyful in the glory and beauty [which God confers upon them]; let them sing for joy upon their beds.

Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)             I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

1^st Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Thought Builder:

Do you find your worth in the Creator or are you still struggling with the world’s definition of beauty?

Love LIFE (LoveIsForEver):

I am personally guilty of not reminding my husband that I think he is handsome. Offer your love a kind word today, and remind them that their beauty is one of the reasons you fell in love with them.

(Jer- I think you are handsome, even when you wear that silly bow-tie. I love you.)

What can you do to encourage someone else that will allow the glory of the Father to shine through you?